quektiny

10:26 pm: highlight using the highlighter
i forgot to mention something really impossible that happened. I took the same flight as my dad with my mother and uncle and brother to bangkok. damn funny, novi saw him with his gf at the check in counter when we just left to head to the customs. One word, after that incident, nothing is impossible!

04:55 pm: Dear friends
Dearest drawf unit and all my dear friends,

I have been in Singapore for almost 1 mth already and yet i feel that there is not enough time left for me. sigh, i don't know when i will be back again the next time i fly back to aussie. EMO I KNOW. But I guess sometimes things can't be helped. And yes the bad news about this year is i am not spending xmas with you guys. POUT. I wish you all a very very very merry xmas and please have fun. I miss you all like crazy. esp you yishun!

p.s PLAN FOR 31st! i dun care! SPEND IT WITH ME TO MAKE IT UP! hahahahhahaah

HO HO HO
MERRY XMAS!

07:00 am: Daylight unsaving
Now, i am 3 hrs behind singapore. And i am still awake at ungodly hours 7am. Have not slept much for the past week, all because of my exams. Literally, burning in between notes, skinning my paper with lead, torturing myself with dark rings. I want my youth! wish me luck for my 2nd paper because i screwed my first paper. Sucky MCQ with ultra mighty tricky questions and super no-time essays. Screamed my way through sia in that silent agonising period.

Hypoglycemic feeling while drowning myself with taurine fillled redbull. What a virgin experience. Worse than giving birth..

01:44 am: little girls just want candy all the time
i admit, i felt neglected but i guess it can't be help. I can't get everything that i want, and i am glad for that period, i thought that i've got everything that i want, time. But i guess once again i got smashed right in the face, proving to me once again that i've asked too much of one person. Yet that particular something its just time. I'm just in this state of disbelief n denial, and i think i need to get out of this numbness before it rains.

shrugs. hate to be alone. whatever.

07:50 pm: count sheeps
29 days back home
16 days to exams
8 days to meiying's bday
2 days to presentation
11 days to moving to a smaller room

I have not done any revision, any preparation, or no shit. I've been topsy turvy. Help me.

11:50 pm: barrier
It was a instinct kind of reaction that i had, simply because running from reality seems the easier way to ease myself .Truth hurts and its so damn fucking true. I am so sick of hearing the same thing and everything will turn out well and i can actually get used to it. Well, i am that stubborn and i wont be feeling any better either. shrugs. This sucks because i really miss u guys like crazy and i just wanna get back to my comfort zone. i am breaking down inside and every bit of cells are trying to maintain equilibrium, its tiring.. very tired.

12:25 am: shodown!
Finally i flare. I could not take any min any second that she is around. The arguement is so retarted that now after i cooled down i find it damn funny can! the excuses that she gives oh my god.. msg me and i will tell u.

10:05 pm: Over the brim
I shouted at her. Because she said she spend more than me this week. I was infuriated i said, no matter how much she spend i spend more than her. She was like shocked and asked why. I told her that this blardy house rent is like 300 per week, 1300 per week, excluding blardy hell internet, water and electricity bills. My mother only give me a fixed amount so that i can monitor how much i spend, well.. i already spend like more than 150 this week and knowing that i still have to pay for the bills this time not one person's bills but rather two persons! The allowance that my mother give me, i have to pay for my own transport my own food and shit. FUCK she can't even know how to be considerate? still can divide the grocery shopping items what is urs and mine? she is so irritating. i dunno how to show her gek gao ness.. the worse part is she wont admit it! fucking shit she needs someone to tell her off u know. ARGH.. FUCK I AM DAMN ANGRY. the thing is she knows that i don't have the heart to do anything mean. I HATE HER..

02:09 am: imbedded in my heart


i can nv forget this. it brings both smiles and tears.

02:06 am: imbedded in my head


i can nv forget this. it brings both smiles and tears.

01:52 am: Nv good enough
According to jaciel, confidence makes one shine. And i guess, confidence and me have always been far apart. when you have no confidence, insecurities becomes ur best friend and u start to hullicinate that there is a dark hole in the middle of the earth that you are standing on that will suck u and send u out of the earth into the universe. poof u are gone.

now i start to wonder, was i ever good enough for anyone to love me that much. was i ever enough to mean something to anyone in this world? was i a good friend to people around me? why do i have people hating me? Is it something that i could have prevented? will i ever be love for who i am? will anyone hate me for who i am?

why oh why.. am i blessed or cursed with such a trait.

01:39 am: thank you
Thank you everyone. I feel much better today. =)

11:34 pm: feeling soo alone.. right now
After many days of not blogging, suddenly i am in melbourne staying in a little town call box hill. There is nothing much i wanna comment about this place just yet. but rather the nights that i have spend here is killing me. On a saturaday night, where everyone is out shopping and drinking, i am watching people come and go offline. Everyone is so busy with their own stuff.The weather is not helping me either, its so cold and wet and chilly. It gets dark quickly. shrugs.

Its a tough battle that i have to go through. I jolly well know and understand the situation that i am in yet naturally the emotional being will deny that understanding. I miss everyone in Singapore. Everytime i think about all the good times that we had, the meet ups and dinner, the dancing, the drinkings, the drivings and all the supper we had.

... i guess i am indulging in self pity. i guess i need to be strong to face this myself. that there wont be anyone around me to hold my hand and say everything is going to be alright. feeling so damn stress.

05:07 am: why
..question me, when i can't give a definite answer. i'm leaving for some where far away. i am scared. and i know being scared isn't a good reason but its the factor. shrugs.

03:13 am: impulsive
Impulsive moves always make me regret and bad impressions. Because i am desperate and in need, that resulted in such a move. Now that i have done and committed myself to this job, i better do a good job and not make a fool of myself. God please give me strength.

04:07 am: Fucking Dui
I am damn fucking dui dui dui dui!!!! LOOK AT THE DAMN TO TO NUMBERS that open!!
14, 11 , 17 ,05, 19 , 23, 12 !!! FUCK FUCK FUCK.. my nos. came out can!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!! i could like re earn my allowance can! WHAT THE FUCK!!! i am damn damn DUI!!! me and my commitments should have just stick to it!!! FUCKKKKKK...

05:18 am: how true is truth
I believe there is a certain extent of truth in truths. Do you have the same sentiments?

01:06 pm: Rehab
The human brain is such an unpredictable organ. It always plan the path that it wishes the body to take and instruct each other organ to cooperate with it. The heart is the brain's worst enemy. It always tries to start a small riot in some parts of the brain cells to debate on the instructions given. Sometimes, without proper control, this small riot becomes a revolution that changes the set plans. Many occassions it will cause some sort of destruction to the body. Thus, once again its the same clever lines, would u choose to be ruled by your heart over mind or mind over heart?

I choose to be ruled by you.

05:37 am: drama serial
Reflecting back,these past two mths, i see myself change so much that i could not even recognised myself any longer. There is so much to say and yet i could not find the right words to type it down. I am feeling damn confused over the whole issue, whatever she said contradicts her actions, the politics that she is playing. Fuck, why things can't be so simple? I feel like a game to her, a possession that she needs to claim. I am feeling so fucking low in the sense that how can anyone do this to me? What was wrong with me that i could not radiate the issue coming, or rather why could i not see myself banging my head on to that fucking rock. Moments like this, i thank god that i have friends around..

P.s call me

01:13 am: Getaway
Everyone carries this invisible mask that i failed to see through. Yes u guys are right about my perspective of people. Its really hard to see the bad side of people. Won't it be nice if everyone was nice, it will probably really make the world a better place to live it. Naive. sigh